Dumb and Dumber

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Alibaba the Chinese ecommerce Internet giant has just been unleashed. Its owner and founder is Jack Ma who started it with nothing.

His role model is Forrest Gump.

Stupid is as stupid does.

$230 billion bucks worth of stupid.

My friend Fred has a customer who would give Forrest a run for his money. She called him last week to complain that her fax machine wasn’t working.

The fax hadn’t gone through.

It had, Fred assured her. He was looking at it. He told her to send it again and just write anything on it.

Moments later he was staring at a piece of paper with “ANYTHING” scrawled across it.

“It came through just fine,” he told her and had his ear screamed off.

“How could it when the fucking thing is still here! It’s not mine.”

A patient man, Fred suggested sending it to a local business near him and putting something special on it that only she would know. That way they would know for sure that it was hers.

This time a big pair of lips that had kissed the page in a signature smooch arrived.

In black print.

“That’s not mine,” she howled.“My lipstick’s pink!”

I’m reading a series of doctors’ comments about their dumbest patients.  The woman who was feeding her 6 month old coffee in his bottle rates a mention, as does the man who was concerned about a new spot on his chest. It was his nipple.

My favourite was the bloke who was prescribed an inhaler for his cat allergy. When he came back a week still feeling like crap it turned out he was spraying the inhaler on the cat.

But first prize goes to our next door neighbour. When told there was going to be a power cut she looked despondent then perked up.

“That’s okay. We’ll just watch TV in the dark.”

She probably sat there and dreamed up Google.

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