My friend Big Fred is always at me to have a girlie night with him. We will do each other’s hair and nails and watch old movies. I tell him that he’s picked the wrong girl. I chew my nails and haven’t had polish on them since the brush slipped trying to paint the dog’s claws one Halloween.

‘Then we’ll do your toes,’ he persists.

Fred himself has beautiful feet and toes which he paints in a dazzling array of colours in his own personal nail salon. At last count there were over a hundred and fifty choices.

‘Nah, I say, ungratefully. I like my toes just as they come, thanks.’

Then it suddenly dawns on me the real reason he is so keen to have a girl’s night in.

‘You want to show off all those new clothes you bought!’

‘I need someone to tell me what goes with…